Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
