She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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