Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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