the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
