ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
only you would photoshop your dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
