i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
