He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
