i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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