the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
