billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
