so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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