I will die if light touches me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
