I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
