Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
