Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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