I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
