He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
