That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
