She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
