you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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