i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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