six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
