I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
