Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize