It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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