I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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