why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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