I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
