he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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