He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
