i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
