all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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