Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
