We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
