I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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