you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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