Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
