Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
