what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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