i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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