Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
