Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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