you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
