Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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