my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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