Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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