he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
