Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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