pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
