When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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