do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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