a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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