I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
