I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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