and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
