She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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