Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
