Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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