I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
