Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
