well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
