Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
