"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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