so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
