A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
