she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
as a side note pls kill me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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