did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
