I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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