Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
