Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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