That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
