so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
