In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
