I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
