I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
