I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
